Saturday, July 23, 2005
Bush Condi hillarious conversation
>Conversation between George Bush and Condoleeza Rice :-)--toogud]>>--ultimate folks !!! tooooooooooo good !! just read it 'n have a good>laugh !>>>George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?>>Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.>>George: Great. Lay it on me.>>Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.>>George: That's what I want to know.>>Condi: That's what I'm telling you.>>George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?>>Condi: Yes.>>George: I mean the fellow's name.>>Condi: Hu.>>George: The guy in China.>>Condi: Hu.>>George: The new leader of China.>>Condi: Hu.>>George: The main man in China!>>Condi: Hu is leading China.>>George: Now whaddya' asking me for?>>Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.>>George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?>>Condi: That's the man's name.>>George: That's who's name?>>Condi: Yes.>>George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of>China?>>Condi: Yes, sir.>>George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the>Middle East.>>Condi: That's correct.>>George: Then who is in China?>>Condi: Yes, sir.>>George: Yassir is in China?>>Condi: No, sir.>>George: Then who is?>>Condi: Yes, sir.>>George: Yassir?>>Condi: No, sir.>>George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.>Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.>>Condi: Kofi?>>George: No, thanks.>>Condi: You want Kofi?>>George: No.>>Condi: You don't want Kofi.>>George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.>And then get me the U.N.>>Condi: Yes, sir.>>George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.>>Condi: Kofi?>>George: Milk! Will you please make the call?>>Condi: And call who?>>George: Who is the guy at the U.N?>>Condi: Hu is the guy in China.>>George: Will you stay out of China?!>>Condi: Yes, sir.>>George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.>>>Condi: Kofi.>>George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
sardar with brains
SARDAR WITH BRAIN
A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would
like to play a fun-game.
The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he
politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy
and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5,
and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there
will be no end to this torment,
agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the
distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,
pulls out a $5 bill and
hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs
and comes down with four legs?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches
the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
co-workers.
Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and
hands him $500.
The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
Sardar and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands
the American $5,
and goes back to sleep!
A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would
like to play a fun-game.
The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he
politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy
and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5,
and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there
will be no end to this torment,
agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the
distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,
pulls out a $5 bill and
hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs
and comes down with four legs?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches
the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
co-workers.
Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and
hands him $500.
The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
Sardar and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands
the American $5,
and goes back to sleep!
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
kal aaj aur kal
Today I will delete from my diary
two days: yesterday and tomorrow
Yesterday was to learn
and tomorrow will be the consequence
of what I can do today.
Today I will face life
with the conviction that this day
will not ever return.
Today is the last opportunity
I have to live intensely,
as no one can assure me
that I will see tomorrow's sunrise.
Today I will be brave enough
not to let any opportunity pass me by,
my only alternative is to succeed.
Today I will invest
my most valuable resource:my time,
in the most trascendental work:
my life;
I will spend each minute
passionately to make
of today a different
and unique day in my life.
Today I will defy every obstacle
that appears on my way trusting
I will succeed.
Today I will resist
pesimism and will conquer
the world with a smile,
with the positive attitude
of expecting always the best.
Today I will make of every ordinary task
a sublime _expression,
Today I will have my feet on the ground
understanding reality
and the stars' gaze
to invent my future.
Today I will take the time to be happy
and will leave my footprints and my presence
in the hearts of others.
Today, I invite you to begin a new season
where we can dream
that everything we undertake is possible
and we fulfil it,
with joy and dignity.
Have a good day
and a better one tomorrow!
two days: yesterday and tomorrow
Yesterday was to learn
and tomorrow will be the consequence
of what I can do today.
Today I will face life
with the conviction that this day
will not ever return.
Today is the last opportunity
I have to live intensely,
as no one can assure me
that I will see tomorrow's sunrise.
Today I will be brave enough
not to let any opportunity pass me by,
my only alternative is to succeed.
Today I will invest
my most valuable resource:my time,
in the most trascendental work:
my life;
I will spend each minute
passionately to make
of today a different
and unique day in my life.
Today I will defy every obstacle
that appears on my way trusting
I will succeed.
Today I will resist
pesimism and will conquer
the world with a smile,
with the positive attitude
of expecting always the best.
Today I will make of every ordinary task
a sublime _expression,
Today I will have my feet on the ground
understanding reality
and the stars' gaze
to invent my future.
Today I will take the time to be happy
and will leave my footprints and my presence
in the hearts of others.
Today, I invite you to begin a new season
where we can dream
that everything we undertake is possible
and we fulfil it,
with joy and dignity.
Have a good day
and a better one tomorrow!
Monday, April 18, 2005
letter to DAD
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed,
"Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the
letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and
you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even
with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But
it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will
be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she
already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's
now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be
growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine
and ecstasy we want. In the meantime we'll pray that science will find
a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.
Your son, John
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk center drawer.
I love you!
nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed,
"Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the
letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and
you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even
with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But
it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will
be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she
already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's
now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be
growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine
and ecstasy we want. In the meantime we'll pray that science will find
a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.
Your son, John
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk center drawer.
I love you!
Saturday, April 16, 2005
difference between men & women
Women:
A wife was not at home for the whole night. So she tells her husband,
the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment
overnight. So, the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none
of them confirms that.
Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the
very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over
night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm
that he stayed at their apartment that night and another 5 are
claiming that he is still with them.
A wife was not at home for the whole night. So she tells her husband,
the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment
overnight. So, the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none
of them confirms that.
Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the
very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over
night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm
that he stayed at their apartment that night and another 5 are
claiming that he is still with them.
Friday, April 15, 2005
the story of a genius NEILS BOHR
The teacher asks a student how he would measure the height of a very tall
building using a barometer, evidently expecting to hear about the
reduced air pressure being proportionate to the elevation ....
The student says: Tie the barometer to a long string, lower the string
till the barometer touches the ground, measure the length of the string!
However, what follows is much more interesting:
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student
was
failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was
indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent
arbiter
to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed
correct,
but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve
the
problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes
in
which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal
familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in
thought.
The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the
student
replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't
make
up his mind which to use.
On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the
skyscraper,
drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the
ground.
The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H =
0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."
"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the
barometer,
then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you
measure
the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple
matter
of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the
skyscraper."
"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a
short
piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first
at
ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is
worked
out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi
square root (l/g)."
"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would
be
easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in
barometer
lengths, then add them up."
"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course,
you
could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of
the
skyscraper and on the ground,and convert the difference in millibars
into
feet to give the height of the building."
"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence
of
mind, undoubtedly the best way would be to
knock on the janitor's door
and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give
you
this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."
The student was Niels Bohr, the only person from Denmark to win the
Nobel
prize for Physics.
building using a barometer, evidently expecting to hear about the
reduced air pressure being proportionate to the elevation ....
The student says: Tie the barometer to a long string, lower the string
till the barometer touches the ground, measure the length of the string!
However, what follows is much more interesting:
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student
was
failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was
indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent
arbiter
to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed
correct,
but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve
the
problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes
in
which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal
familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in
thought.
The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the
student
replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't
make
up his mind which to use.
On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the
skyscraper,
drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the
ground.
The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H =
0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."
"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the
barometer,
then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you
measure
the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple
matter
of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the
skyscraper."
"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a
short
piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first
at
ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is
worked
out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi
square root (l/g)."
"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would
be
easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in
barometer
lengths, then add them up."
"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course,
you
could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of
the
skyscraper and on the ground,and convert the difference in millibars
into
feet to give the height of the building."
"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence
of
mind, undoubtedly the best way would be to
knock on the janitor's door
and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give
you
this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."
The student was Niels Bohr, the only person from Denmark to win the
Nobel
prize for Physics.
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About Me
- Chase your passion not your pension
- I feel very strongly against terrorism and violation of human rights, acts of violence/exploitation against women and children should have the capital punishment,in my view, anywhere in the world. My approach is probably too direct, and mostly i am brutally straightforward and bluntly to the point in matters of expressing my feelings, people who can handle that find an invaluable friend in me. So what! im still a diehard hopeless romantic with faith & patience LOL My next 5year plan is to go backpacking around the world staring with europe, collecting friends and spreading smiles as i go.